Thursday, July 20, 2006
Dieter’s Diatribe or Ode To Coke – The Real Thing
That I am demented is definitely no shock to those who know me and little surprise to those who only know me here. Just how demented I can be, especially at silly o'clock in the morning, is evidenced below. When I was driving to work this morning, Paul Simon's "Kodachrome" came on the radio, and when he started singing, "Kodachro-o-ome, give us the nice bright colors...etc.", for some strange reason I started singing, "Coca-co-o-la" and then made up some more lyrics to go along with what I was singing, but with his tune. After I got to work, I set about putting it down on paper and creating a whole parody that is completely autobiographical. Mr. Yankovic, look out!
Dieter’s Diatribe or Ode To Coke – The Real Thing
(sung to the tune of Paul Simon’s “Kodachrome”
– with apologies to Paul Simon)
If you took all the snacks I’ve had for food addiction,
Put ‘em all together on my thighs,
You know it’d never match my sick imagination,
Because I never thought I’d reach this size.
When I think back on all the pounds I’ve gained since high school
When Mama started sayin’ I was fat,
You know I only weighed at most a hundred thirty,
Now my weight is almost three times that.
Coca Co-o-o-la, give me some nice bright comfort,
Give me the high-igh-ighs of sugar
Make me think all the world is a happy place, oh yeah.
I've got a diet cola I’d love to flush in the toilet
“Isn’t it a shame she has such a pretty face?”
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola away
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola,
Switch it for lo-cal granola,
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola away.
If you took all the food I’ve had in search of comfort,
Put it all together in the road,
It would be small surprise to those who’ve never seen me
That I’ve applied to get my own zip code.
If I had all the money I’ve spent joining programs
And buying all those diet scams and books,
I could afford to get myself one of those mirrors
That tells me my butt is not as large as it looks.
Coca Co-o-o-la, give me some nice bright comfort,
Give me the high-igh-ighs of sugar
Make me think all the world is a happy place, oh yeah.
I've got a diet cola I’d love to flush in the toilet
“Isn’t it a shame she has such a pretty face?”
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola away
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola,
Switch it for lo-cal granola,
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola away.
Dieter’s Diatribe or Ode To Coke – The Real Thing
(sung to the tune of Paul Simon’s “Kodachrome”
– with apologies to Paul Simon)
If you took all the snacks I’ve had for food addiction,
Put ‘em all together on my thighs,
You know it’d never match my sick imagination,
Because I never thought I’d reach this size.
When I think back on all the pounds I’ve gained since high school
When Mama started sayin’ I was fat,
You know I only weighed at most a hundred thirty,
Now my weight is almost three times that.
Coca Co-o-o-la, give me some nice bright comfort,
Give me the high-igh-ighs of sugar
Make me think all the world is a happy place, oh yeah.
I've got a diet cola I’d love to flush in the toilet
“Isn’t it a shame she has such a pretty face?”
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola away
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola,
Switch it for lo-cal granola,
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola away.
If you took all the food I’ve had in search of comfort,
Put it all together in the road,
It would be small surprise to those who’ve never seen me
That I’ve applied to get my own zip code.
If I had all the money I’ve spent joining programs
And buying all those diet scams and books,
I could afford to get myself one of those mirrors
That tells me my butt is not as large as it looks.
Coca Co-o-o-la, give me some nice bright comfort,
Give me the high-igh-ighs of sugar
Make me think all the world is a happy place, oh yeah.
I've got a diet cola I’d love to flush in the toilet
“Isn’t it a shame she has such a pretty face?”
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola away
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola,
Switch it for lo-cal granola,
Mama don’t take my Coca-Cola away.
# posted by Anne Arky @ 10:59 AM 
