The World According To Anne Arky

I’ve been told that I’m a “weird” magnet, because in and around the normal people in my circle of friends, I have some very strange people who wander through my life routinely and I attract very unusual people somehow. Since Mother’s funeral, I’ve decided that if I’m a “weird” magnet, she is a “scuzz” magnet. Every sleazy, scuzzy relative we have came out for the occasion, some of whom didn’t even show up for Daddy’s in 2004. Cousin Scuzzy, his crazy daughter Donna and his first in a series of five ex-wives (be the first in your neighborhood to collect all five) all graced us with their presence. Uncle Asshole, my dad’s younger (and only) brother, showed up – he didn’t even show up for DADDY’s funeral – with all of his five kids. I have to admit that even though I wouldn’t give two cents for any of his five kids, I was very pleased to see them all there. They all five came to pay their final respects for Uncle Bob (Daddy) when he died, and I had attributed that largely to the fact that they all came to town for the graduation of one of the grandkids, and as long as it was convenient, they might as well come by, but this time, there was no graduation, and several of them had to come in from across the state to bid adieu to Mother, and that pleased me greatly – especially in light of the fact that when Uncle Asshole dies, the only reason any of us would go (and we have unanimously elected my brother for the job) would be to make sure he was really and truly dead. (Their mother died in May 1992 -- see May 2007 "Fine Lace and Dirty Linen".)



Now I realize what a true scuzz magnet Mother really was. On 15 January, a conversation I was having with my sister went something like this: "How long has it been since you've heard from Mike HisLastName?" Quite taken by surprise, I said, "Oh, about 25 years, give or take a year or two, why?" "He signed the funeral home's on-line guest book." Here's what he wrote:



Anne; I was so sorry to read that your mother has passed away. She was a real lady, a class act, and she will be missed by all that knew her. I also saw on this site that your father passed in 2004. My condolences for his loss as well. Although I didn't appreciate them at the time, I now know that they both had good hearts and they have my utmost, although belated, respect. I wish I had told them this in person before it was too late. May GOD bless and keep you and your family in HIS loving arms. Michael



Michael HisLastName

3 January 2008

HisTown TN



Well, eeeeewwwwwwwww! Yes, the "GOD" and "HIS" were both capitalized. I don't know if he's gone and gotten religion or what. He must have seen the obituary in our hometown paper. I must admit, when I first heard this, once I got past the "ick" factor, I had a serious thought about stirring this bucket of worms just to see what would happen, by replying to his email with nothing more than a "thanks", which, of course, would give him my email address, and I just wanted to see what kind of response THAT would bring, just to see what his creepy little mind has in it. But alas, his email address was nowhere to be found on it, so that little playhouse collapsed pretty quickly, but it was still fun to ruminate about it. Also, as far as I know, he lives in Georgia now, so why he signed as if he's in HisTown, I don't know, unless it's because the person who signed before him did also, and he was afraid maybe I'd get him confused with some other person named Michael HisLastName. Yeah, right.



The only other person who signed the guestbook was the "heroine" from my More Jewelry Box Memories or “The Pre-Engagement Ring Caper” blog from Anne Arky Ology in Nov 2005 -- Teresa. She also emailed me via Classmates-dot-com, and I have emailed her back a couple of times, but I seriously doubt we will stay in touch. I don't really like who she grew up to be, so she has come and gone a couple of times in my adult life, with me always being the one to cut us loose. But it was nice of her to write, even if she does qualify as a quasi-scuzz. (Long story -- trust me on this one.)